


Five Times the Doctor's Hearts Didn't Break (and one time they did)

by fannishliss



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-08
Updated: 2011-11-08
Packaged: 2017-11-27 15:02:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/663360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fannishliss/pseuds/fannishliss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You might think saying goodbye to friend after friend would wear at his hearts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times the Doctor's Hearts Didn't Break (and one time they did)

**Five Times the Doctor's Hearts Didn't Break (and one time they did)** , the Doctor, TenII/Rose, G   
680 words  
 _You might think saying goodbye to friend after friend would wear at his hearts._

  
1.  You might think that being disowned, having his name stricken from the memory of his House, would break a Time Lord's hearts.  But not the Doctor's.  He was almost prouder to be forgotten by Lungbarrow than he was of his academic standing — dead last among those who'd actually completed.  

His schoolmates, the Master, the Rani — they'd taken their names after he'd been disowned.  He'd never been partial to "Koschei" anyway — too blatantly adversarial — and of course, "Theta Sigma" was only a bit of shorthand.  

No, but his hearts almost broke the day Romanadvoratrelundar walked away from him, never having spoken his real name, the name that sang ever unpronounced in the depths of his mind.  If not her, who?  Who?

2.  You might think that being tried by the High Council for treason would break a Time Lord's hearts.  Far from it.  And what a laugh he'd had when he discovered that the prosecutor was none other than himself. This Valeyard was a nasty bit of work — would he really become such a thing?    Anyway, it was good to know, good to watch out for.  Maybe with the trial scuttled, the Valeyard would never come to life.  You never knew.  Regeneration was a funny business.  Always good for a laugh!

3.  You might think saying goodbye to friend after friend would wear at his hearts. To the contrary, it hurt him worse to say hello.  Letting them in, opening the door, giving them the key — it hurt, it hurt — their mayfly lives so brief, like moths to his flame. They were beautiful, dazzling creatures, each unique and amazing in their own way.  Oh, how the moment stung, every time he realized— this is my new companion! my friend! — this human I'll soon leave behind.

4.  You might think that his hearts broke when he lost Rose Tyler across the void.  No.  No. It did not.  She was alive, she had her mum and Pete and Mickey.  His hearts could not break knowing Rose was still alive and safe.  And if she was lost to him, he'd never have to see her grow old and die.  So really, that was a blessing. 

A blessing.

5.  Did you think his hearts broke that day on the beach, when he choked back the words he'd screamed into the silence again and again, closed the Tardis doors and dematerialized, exiling another version of himself to a lifetime of Rose?  

Stupidly, his stubborn hearts beat on.

——

He was doing fine.  Really. He was.  Traveling alone, having adventures.  Doing as he pleased.  Meeting the great women of history, pissing them off — not a care in the world.   

Not a care in the world.  

All his care was in that other world, the one where his double was living out a life with Rose Tyler, a life on fast forward it seemed, as time passed at its own pace in that universe.  

He hardly dared close his eyes to sleep, because whenever he did, his double's triumphs danced into his brain with gleeful abandon.  

—that first glorious starlit night, the chilly room at the inn in Bergen, slipping between the ice-cold sheets, finding Rose warm and waiting for him--

—dancing with her across the floor of an empty flat the two of them had chosen—

—watching her veiled and beaming as her alt-dad led her up the aisle, taking her hand, vowing never to let her go—

—the little life they led in that flat, the meals over candlelight, reading aloud to each other, long weekends out in the countryside — no planet had ever been grander —

—the tears on her face as their daughter, Romanasarahmarthadonna Petra Suzette,  drew her first breath and let out a piercing cry —

He couldn't bear it.  His hearts began to crack.  

And that was when the Master tried to bring back the Time Lords and ended up sealing himself inside the lock with them, and his hearts gave, all the way through, just as little James Michael Alistair was born a universe away.  

He said his last goodbyes, locked his soul in a box, and threw himself into the fire. 

 

 


End file.
